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I was a good enough mom

September 11, 2017

Raising children can be extremely challenging. You want them to be happy and resilient but there are so many factors that can get in the way. One important factor can be your own unresolved issues from childhood. Current stress, anxiety, depression and overwhelm can be directly connected to your own unresolved trauma.

 

In fact, it's a given that children will trigger your own unresolved stress.

 

I remember how overwhelming it was for me raising my son. He had ADHD. He also had unresolved trauma that manifested as getting overwhelmed and melting down. This happened far more often than I would like to think about.

 

He struggled to pay attention to what he needed to do. It was exhausting trying to get him from point A to point B. I would do my do my best to try to help him but often it was overwhelming for me.

 

I went to therapy, read books on ADHD, and talked about it with my husband, but it was still really hard. I am grateful for all the self-regulation I did over the years, which included daily yoga and meditation.

 

The real turning point for me happened when I began my own somatic trauma therapy.

 

My son is 27 now and he's doing great.
 

He's a barber, studying in college to be a physical therapy assistant, and marrying a lovely woman next spring. He turned out to be a wonderful young man and I am so proud of him.

 

I only wish that I knew then what I know now. Children absorb somatically through the nervous system whatever is unresolved in us. I absorbed my parents' pain and he absorbed mine. The good news is that fortunately we don't have to be perfect parents to be a good enough parents.

 

Studies show we only have to be a good enough attachment figure, just 30-40 percent good enough. I was a good enough mother despite all my unresolved anxiety and depression because my son sure turned out great.

 

- Radhe Lesny LMFT
 

 

 

 

 

 

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